![]() ![]() I even created the famous speculative meat arrows that eagle-eyed Zelda fans spotted in the game’s latest trailer, because I came across a giant toothy Like Like monster blocking my way through a cave, and thought that maybe if I attached a steak to an arrow and shot it into its gaping mouth, that would keep it busy so that I could run past. I tried to create a flying machine, but I didn’t have enough fans to power it, so I pushed it off the edge of a mountain to see if it would function as a glider instead. I glued a rocket to my shield, pressed the button to see what would happen, and shot 100ft vertically into the air. I stuck a rocket to a minecart, lit it, climbed in, and propelled myself down a rail with such force that I accidentally yeeted myself out of the cart at the other end, sending me right off the floating island I was on and into freefall above Hyrule. Every time I asked “what if I …?”, the game rewarded me with a fun answer. Perhaps the most remarkable thing about Tears of the Kingdom is that it does, in fact, account beautifully for the unpredictably dumb actions of its players. I laughed so hard when this happened that there were tears in my eyes. Link uses his telekinetic powers to build a flying machine on a floating island above Hyrule. It turns out you should not try to make a flame-throwing go-kart out of wood. ![]() Link falls off and I watch as my hard work turns to literal ashes, its few non-flammable components tumbling unspectacularly to the ground. Unfortunately, the flamethrowers unbalance it, and as I careen down the road my self-made vehicle flips over and sets itself on fire. Using storied adventurer Link’s telekinetic powers to pick stuff up and smoosh it together, I painstakingly line up wheels on wooden bars that I’m using for axels, throw together wooden boards to create a boxy chassis, and take it for a couple of troubleshooting test drives before I attach flamethrowing gargoyle heads to the front. I have been invited to Nintendo’s European headquarters to spend a couple of hours with The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom, probably this year’s most-anticipated video game, and so with the whole of Hyrule stretched out before me and a tantalising fort full of grimacing Bokoblin monsters to fight just down the hill, I choose to instead spend 20 minutes constructing a flame-throwing fortress on wheels. However carefully open-world video games are designed, whatever delights they lay out for you like a buffet of fun-morsels, they can never account for the unpredictably dumb actions of their players. ![]()
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